Here are some ideas, and some advice to couples that are exploring a female-led relationship that involves chastity. These are not “advanced techniques” and I don’t claim to be an expert, but in the 6 years we have played in the lifestyle, these are some of the more important things I have learned.
If you are looking to completely dominate your husband in every aspect of your life, this is probably not the article for you. If you are interested in having a more fun, kinky, and exciting sex life, along with a little more control in the household, and help your husband be a better partner to you, this may help.
How long should he be locked?
I truly believe that it should be up to the keyholder and her alone, but some people like to switch things up, so here are some fun ways to let fate decide.
Determine the number of orgasm he has to give the keyholder before he earns an orgasm.
The keyholder could require him to provide her with 10 oral, 10 using a vibrator, and 10 using his cock before he earns the right to have his own. Or 20 using his fingers and 5 using his mouth, and 5 with a dildo, or strap on, you get the idea.
How about adding one day every time he has an orgasm, so if he made it 21 days this time he has to wait for 22 next time.
There is a myriad of dice games that could be used. If you Google dice chastity game, you can find an endless supply.
Marbles seem to be another favorite, again if you Google the marble chastity game, there are plenty to choose from.
I think a really fun one is to use trivia to determine his lock-up time. While lying in bed the keyholder can ask a series of questions about anything she likes really, and for every answer the sub gets wrong he gets a day or a week or whatever time period the keyholder desires locked in chastity, this is fun because the keyholder is still determining the lock-up time, by the number of questions or how hard they are. Try Keyholder trivia, she can ask questions about what she likes, you can both have fun and learn what makes your keyholder happy!
I also think that it is a big turn-on for the sub to know that regardless of what the “game” determines should be the lock uptime, that he knows it is ultimately what his keyholder decides, so when the time arrives that he has earned his orgasm, simply tell him, “I know you were supposed to have an orgasm today, but I have decided to keep you locked another few days.”
Fun things for the Keyholder to say to keep the sub excited. I think it is important for the keyholder to remember that for the sub in chastity, it is a 24/7 commitment, and sometimes all it takes is the smallest reminder from his keyholder to get his libido back up and racing and keep it exciting for him.
“Tonight sweetie, you can be my little brown noser.”
“Oh! Sweetie, your cage looks tight and uncomfortable! Oh well, you will just have to suffer for me.”
“You haven’t thanked me for locking up your cock and controlling your orgasms for you in quite a while. Do you have anything to say to me?”
After he has given you an orgasm orally, you could say, “Sweetie you are getting so good with your tongue, pretty soon I will never have to unlock your cock!”
After inspecting his cage to make sure he is secure, you could say something like, “Hmmm, maybe we should get a size smaller.”
“Sweetie I seem to have lost the key, oh well, we won’t be needing it for a long time anyway.”
“Denying you is so much more fun than letting you orgasm, I might never let you cum again!”
Every time you lock his device, you should say something like, “Now thank me for controlling your orgasms,” or, “There we go, my cock is locked up again, until the next time I need it.”
You get the idea, anything to remind him that you are in control will excite him and keep him happy for quite a while.
Tease and Denial: I think this is the most important part of chastity and also a successful female-led relationship. There are numerous entire websites and articles with ideas out there, so I will let you find your own fun ideas, but I would like to remind you that it doesn’t have to last only an hour, there are ways to tease your sub all day without having to lift a finger.
The Best Chastity Game Ideas for Teasing
- Have him shave all his pubic hair. It is more comfortable wearing a cage when you are shaved anyway. Every time his goes to the bathroom it will be another reminder of your control.
- Assign him to make you a sex toy, or bondage device, like a leg spreader, or install eye bolts to tie him off to.
- Assign him a list of chores you want complete, with the knowledge that if they are not done he will be punished.
- Make him clean the house dressed as a woman.
- Have him hand wash your panties and lingerie.
- Have him run an errand for you wearing a butt plug.
- Tell him you need new panties and you want him to buy them for you. When He gives them to you, tell him you think they will look better on him, and make him wear them.
- Before he leaves for work, make him lick your pussy and tell him that he has the privilege of smelling you every time he inhales now.
- You can set rules for him, like having to ask to use the bathroom, or having to address you as mistress or princess for the day.
Punishments: Punishments can be fun, or they can be just that, Punishments. I think any female-led relationship should have both. Just having “fun” punishments promotes behavior from the sub that is unacceptable, because he enjoys the punishment and acts up in order to get it. For punishments that are meant to correct behavior or habits, he should be aware that you are truly unhappy with what he has done, that you love him very much, and that the punishment is meant to hurt.
After the punishment reinforce that you love him, and you did what you did to help him be a better partner. I can say 100% of the time that your partner will love you for it, gain respect for you in the relationship, and be far more excited because it now seems real to him. With just playful punishments, he may still view this as a game.
The Best Chastity Game Ideas as playful punishments:
- Have him lick your ass, as you watch TV or read a book. Make sure to give him plenty of direction and encouragement, and tease him a bit as well. Let’s face it, sex is 90% mental. Say things like, “I love my little brown noser,” or “get your tongue in there or that cage stays locked for another week.” It’s important that you make do a good job, not just lick your butt cheeks, the excitement for the sub is all mental, being made to lick your ass, the punishment part is making him really do it.
- During a teasing session, if he starts moving too much or getting overly close to orgasm, take off your panties, put the gusset on his face, and tell him they can keep him company while you go get a drink.
- Have him run you a bath, wash your body, lotion your legs, dress you, even paint your toenails. Keep it exciting for him by telling him how happy you are he is in chastity, and how you would hate to lose his enthusiasm, so you may never remove the device.
- Have him wear panties and stockings to work under his work clothes, no one but you and he will know. He will be on high alert all day hoping no one notices. You can text him from time to time to remind him of his situation!
- If he keeps asking to be let out of his cage, take off your panties and gag him with them.
- Play a little trivia game with him, tie his hands up, play with him until he is excited, and ask him if he knows how to please you, he will of course say yes, then you can say “great! We are going to play a game, I will ask you some questions about me, when you are right I will stroke your cock, when you are wrong, I will slap it.” Ask away! You can ask him anything from your favorite color to your favorite sexual position!
- Tens units are a lot of fun as well, as they can be used to provide great pleasure or a small amount of pain. They can make a great training tool used correctly.
- Take all his boring male underwear, and replace them with panties, and tell him he has to earn his underwear back, and he should wear the panties till he does.
- Hoods can be a lot of fun. Get one with a gag and use some earplugs and he won’t know when or where you are going to give him pleasure (or pain).
- Spankings of course are a favorite, using your hand or a paddle it’s pretty tough to really hurt him, so spank away. Careful with some of the switches or canes, as you can actually draw blood with enough force.
- If he comes without permission, I consider that a pretty serious offense. The whole idea of the relationship is that he is giving you control of his orgasms, if he takes that back, it’s just a sex game to him again. If he is unable to control himself anymore, he should be able to talk to you seriously and explain the situation and let YOU decide when and how he orgasms. Taking it upon himself is unacceptable. He should get a serious punishment, be locked back up, in his cage immediately, and made to lick up his mess.
- Ruined orgasms can be very effective. There are plenty of videos and articles on how they work and how to cause them, so I will not go into it, but they take some practice to get it right. When you do get it right, it actually will leave your sub just as horny, but leaves you with the leverage of saying “you just had an orgasm!” You know you did it right if his seed simply flows out with no “burst”, also just watching his face will tell you!
More Than Fun Punishments
Like I said there has to be more than just fun punishments. Sometimes, he will need to be corrected. This prevents him from “topping from the bottom” or controlling what you have him do. Certainly, he has to get some of what he wants, but he should not be able to “force you to force him” that is not how it works, and is not as much fun for him or you.
Punishments are also great ways to “tweak” his behavior or attitude towards you, if he is acting moody or speaking disrespectfully to you, simply tell him of your concern, explain what you expect from him, and proceed with the punishment. It’s amazing how quickly a good spanking will get a man back in “subspace” where he is loving and respectful. Some punishments can include:
The easiest and usually most effective is spanking. It is both humiliating and a bit painful for the sub. You can use your hand, a hairbrush, cane, switch, paddle, flogger, crop, shoe, anything really. Make sure he knows the reason, make sure he knows you love him, make sure he knows it is going to hurt. When it’s done hug him, tell him again you love him, and reinforce with him that you don’t want that behavior to continue, as it is upsetting his keyholder.
You can put spikes in his chastity cage. Be careful here as I have heard of some people actually getting a bruised or cut penis from some of the spikes available for some devices.
Being tied in an uncomfortable position for a period of time. This can really be painful and uncomfortable and gives the sub time to reflect on what he did.
Prolonging his release date. Yep, that’s pretty effective. Although it really only works if you have a set release date.
Withholding teasing sessions. What your sub craves most of all is your attention, so withholding it is about the worst thing that you can do to him. Be careful here though because after a few days in chastity your sub is going to be pretty emotionally vulnerable, and could easily feel neglected by being ignored.
So, if you are withholding your attention make sure he knows why. And, that he is just not being put on the back burner for something more important than he.
When you feel the time comes for your sub to have a full orgasm I encourage you to let him build up to it and make it special. I also could not encourage you more, that if you want to continue with his current lock up, that you ask him.
That’s right ask him! Say something like, “You have been a very good boy and have earned an orgasm, but I am really enjoying myself, and don’t want to have to start all over when you are so horny and loving right now. If you ask me to, I will put you back on your device. And, I will promise to be more demanding, crueler, kinkier, and an all-around better keyholder.” I would make sure he is right on the edge of an orgasm when you do this as it will really drive him crazy!
Be prepared, he will eventually say he needs an orgasm. So don’t look at it as him rejecting you, look at it as nature overpowering his need to submit. If he does choose to orgasm if you would like to continue his chastity and devotion to you. Then, make sure he puts his device on immediately after he has his orgasm. When a man has an orgasm, he immediately loses all his submissiveness, and it is important to have him in his device to start building it again.
If you enjoyed “The Best Chastity Game Ideas” you may also like: