Ruined Orgasm Definition – How to give it to someone? Why do some people love ruined orgasm? The relation of ruined orgasm with Femdom and BDSM.
What is Ruined Orgasm?
For many people, orgasm is an important part of sex and masturbation, while others enjoying mastering the art of ruined orgasm. But, what is a ruined orgasm? In short, it’s the result of stopping or changing stimulation to prevent a full or satisfying orgasm. Ruined orgasms can play into a variety of sexual activities. [1]
A ruined orgasm is one that’s the result of stop-and-start stimulation and teasing, generally under the control of your partner. It’s an orgasm that doesn’t give you the climactic feeling of pleasure you usually expect from an orgasm. Generally, if someone enjoys and eroticizes being in control of another person, they’d get especially turned on during this kind of play. [2]
Types of Ruined Orgasm
There are two types of ruined orgasms full and partial. Fully ruining an orgasm prevents someone from coming at all, while a partially ruined orgasm is one that’s weaker than usual. This may mean a shorter orgasm with fewer contractions. In men, ejaculation may not be as powerful. [1]
Ruined Orgasm and BDSM
Ruined orgasms work well in certain BDSM scenarios. They’re sort of like a middle ground between a forced orgasm and orgasm Denial. Of course, you don’t need to be into BDSM, if you want to try ruined orgasms. Nor do you need a partner. You can try it on your own simply to see if it changes your experience in a way that you like. [1]
Ruined Orgasm and FEMDOM
Ruined orgasms are commonly seen as a fetish and/or a form of dominant/submissive play, and they’re generally more common in femdom, aka when a female dominant has a male sub. [2]
Difference of Ruined Orgasm and Forced Orgasm
While both are more commonly seen in the BDSM communities, a forced orgasm means you are allowed to orgasm as intensely as you’d like, whereas a ruined orgasm is more about minimizing the pleasure you feel when you climax. There’s also some potential overlap! You could have a dom “ruin” a forced orgasm as well. [2]
Difference of Ruined Orgasm and Denial
Not necessarily! Queen notes that she’s heard of ruined orgasms also being referred to as “ejaculation-only orgasm”—aka an ejaculatory response that’s separate from orgasm (which, yes, is possible).
A ruined orgasm could also mean a weak orgasm. “The difference between that and basically being interrupted or distracted away from your building pleasure, and having a meh orgasm, as a result, is the control/tease/intentionality part of ruined-orgasm play,”.
And in other instances, a ruined orgasm = a better orgasm, if the sub truly has a fetish for this and is that into it. [2]
Difference of Ruined Orgasm and Edging
While the start-stop tempo of a ruined orgasm might seem similar to Edging, they’re actually pretty different. The purpose of edging is to have more pleasure for longer, whereas the purpose of ruined orgasm is to take away from the pleasure in order to serve the larger purpose of control. Edging also happens to be seen more frequently in masturbation, which doesn’t seem true of ruined orgasms. [2]
How to give or have a ruined orgasm?
- Ensure you have consent.
Friendly reminder: Never assume it’s OK to engage in a sexual activity without receiving enthusiastic consent from all parties. It’s especially important to protect both people during BDSM with clear communication, boundaries, and consent conversations. Make sure both partners agree to this type of sex play…then, proceed! - Agree upon a safe word.
Safewords or safe signals are important for communication and safety, explains Melancon. So before playing, remember to pick a unique word or action that either of you can express to stop the experience at any given time—no questions asked.
“There aren’t many true risks here. But if he’s uncomfortable and wants to stop, he should be free to express himself, and it’s a good idea to discuss how beforehand. Likewise, his partner should feel free to stop teasing him if she isn’t feeling into it herself.”
Don’t know what to choose? “Watermelon.” You’re welcome.
- Do your research.
Those interested in attempting ruined orgasms to read up on dom/sub power dynamics before starting this type of play. Learning the how-to’s from reliable sources on YouTube or well-known industry professionals can help ensure you have a safer, more educated, and pleasurable experience. - Focus on teasing your partner.
Ruined orgasms have to do with the amazing buildup and disappointing letdown of that otherwise long-awaited, exciting moment. That’s where the art of teasing comes in! Slowly tease and build up the sexual tension inside his body. [You] may start and stop just as he’s really getting into it, then, after a pause, start back up again. - Stop all stimulation prior to climax.
A ruined orgasm is when all stimulation is stopped just prior to orgasm. So right as he’s about to orgasm, simply stop all movement and stimulation. If you’ve timed it right and he’s on the path of no return, his body may begin to convulse and he will moan with discomfort instead of pleasure. Hint: If that happens, you’re doing it right! [3]
Extra Techniques for Ruined Orgasm
Withdraw – Pushing him out of you before he comes is also an effective way of ruining an orgasm. Even if he comes, it won’t feel as good as it would have if he were able to ejaculate while inside you.
Lower stimulation – You can also change up the stimulation to be less intense or different from what he needs to get off. For example, loosening your grip while giving a hand job might do the trick.
Bring him to the edge – The key to ruining his orgasm is letting him become aroused and stimulating and teasing him until he’s almost about to come (get ideas for teasing and denying your man). You don’t want to push him over the edge, but he needs to approach the cliff so that the orgasm is potentially within range but just out of reach. After a while, you might become quite skilled at this and be able to bring your man back from the edge rather than ruining the orgasm!
If you repeat this stop-and-start activity before finally letting him come, you’ll soon understand the power of edging. Learn more about edging.
However, it’s entirely appropriate to simply end play entirely or switch to an activity for your pleasure instead of your partner’s. For example, you might sit on your man’s face until you have your own orgasm! You can then feel free to go back to teasing him or maybe, just maybe, let him finally come. [1]
Difference of Ruined Orgasm and Minimized Orgasm
Similar to the ruined orgasm is the minimized orgasm where it’s produced in much the same way, however, a small amount of stimulation is applied to the genitals during orgasm, allowing the stimulated to feel and experience a minimal degree of orgasmic actualization and pleasure. [4]
Why do people like ruined orgasms?
Ruined orgasms may not sound physically pleasurable, so what’s the appeal for each party? Turns out there are many reasons people might enjoy ruined orgasms.
For one, it’s a fetish (predominantly among men). But while it’s more common for men to desire a ruined orgasm, Melancon says some women find it fun. “It really turns the dominant heterosexual script on its head, where his orgasm is no longer the most important or defining moment of sex.”
However, a lot of the excitement boils down to having or lacking control. “Partners may enjoy the power play and being able to choose where, when, how, and, most importantly, IF [they] get [their] pleasure,” says Melancon. Skyler adds that the power play appeal lies around the “short-term withholding and/or denial of physical pleasure for the larger, mental erotic charge. Many people playing in this arena enjoy giving up the physical sensations of more vanilla-known pleasure in order to experience a more mental [excitement] around power exchange.”
Last but not least on the list of perks, ruined orgasms can even help people with penises last longer during sex. If he’s allowed to ejaculate but without the pleasurable release of orgasm, he may remain sexually aroused and thus able to engage in more sexual activities.
So whether you’re potentially into the power play, pain, or twisted pleasure of it all, try having your next orgasm ruined. Who knows? You might be way more into it than you expect. [3]
Sources:
[1] Bad Girls Bible https://badgirlsbible.com/ruined-orgasm
[2] Cosmopolitan https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28539248/ruined-orgasm-bdsm/
[3] mbg relationships https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/ruined-orgasms
