Lifestyle couples are always looking for new sexual adventures so many turn to BDSM. BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism which is a very broad category of sexual play. These playtime sessions can be rough or soft depending on your partner’s idea of a sexy turn-on. Everyone’s taste and sexual needs are different and that’s why it’s super important to have a serious conversation and set some boundaries before engaging in any BDSM act.
Domination encompasses everything sexual from pillow talk to Humiliation so if you’ve ever been blindfolded or used a soft tie to bind your partners’ hands above their head, you’ve engaged in a light version of BDSM. A sexual dominant (or “Dom” for short) is someone who likes to be in charge of these play sessions. Your goal as a Dom is not to force your partner beyond their limits when they hand over control to you, it’s an act of trust that should be cherished and respected.
BDSM couples often practice “active consent,” which means they never attempt any sexual act without asking first and then they pay close attention to each other, watching out for discomfort. In addition, partners agree on a “safe word” which sends the message that there’s some sort of problem and the scene needs to stop immediately. A good Dom knows that the Submissive (“Sub”) holds the real power in a relationship because they can read a scene and manage it as needed for a pleasurable experience.
Here are a few tips on how to keep your Submissive crawling back for more:
Kiss passionately. Grab your Sub by the chin, the sides of the face, or the back of the neck and kiss like your survival depends upon it.
Pin your Sub against a wall or bend her over a table or counter. Whatever you choose, be sure to remember this is not an attack, just you staking your claim to their body.
Light scratching and spanking are good ways to keep the shock value up. It’s not about leaving marks or inflicting pain. It’s about the sensation of the creeping stimulation.
Your mouth belongs on every part of your partner’s body which can inflict more excitement or arousal. Whether you’re licking, sucking, or, biting, there are many things you can do to your partner’s body and many places you can do it.
Gagging by its very nature is debilitating and takes away your partner’s ability to communicate. This puts them at your mercy but it nullifies the concept of a safe word. Make sure to have an alternative safe signal in place to halt the scene if there is discomfort.
Bondage ranges from fuzzy handcuffs to Shibari. You can start by handcuffing your partner the headboard so their hands are out of the way yet both of your hands are free to roam, explore and claim their body. Never leave your sub unattended.
Escalate the dirty talk to more derogatory terms but remember the alternative of praising them for their deeds. Your partner may respond better to degrading praise than degrading insults.
Add spanking to areas such as the thighs and breasts. Just keep in mind the further up the body you get the more personal it gets to be.
Sex toys are a nice addition to a playtime session. You may want to consider vibrators, beads, dildos, ropes, gags, blindfolds, and handcuffs for your bondage play. Paddles, whips, belts, or your kitchen spoons are even an option for a little spanking fun.
Leave your mark behind as a little reminder of the fun you’ve had. A bite, a hickey, or something else similar and temporary will do — just keep them invisible to the public eye.
After a session, be sure to properly take care of your partner. Some calm bonding time to wind down is a big deal that should not be neglected. Calming, communicating, and cuddling are important aftercare tips. It’s also a good time to get some feedback on how to make sure next time around is just a bit better. Read more: Aftercare in BDSM and Cuckolding