Definition – What does Femdom mean in Cuckolding?

What is Femdom?

Femdom (Female dominance) refers to a woman who is a dominant partner in BDSM sexual activities. The term can also describe the activities themselves.

Female Domination: A woman (or action in which a woman) dominates sexual interaction with her mate.

A dominatrix is a woman who takes the dominant role in BDSM activities. A dominatrix might be of any sexual orientation, but her orientation does not necessarily limit the genders of her submissive partners.

The role of a dominatrix may not even involve physical pain toward the submissive; her domination can be verbal (Erotic Verbal Humiliation), involving humiliating tasks, or servitude. A dominatrix is typically a paid professional (pro-domme) as the term dominatrix is little-used within the non-professional BDSM scene.

The use of domme, dominatrix, dom, or dominant by any woman in a dominant role is chosen mostly by personal preference and the conventions of the local BDSM scene.

As fetish culture is increasingly becoming more prevalent in Western media, depictions of dominatrices in film and television have become more common. [1]

Femdom in Cuckolding

Female domination can be found usually as wearing chastity or Sexual Denial and Humiliation in cuckold relationships.

It can also be seen as the Hotwife may ask a submissive husband to lick Bull’s cock or lick his cum from her pussy. If there is humiliation involved and be seen as something forced then it usually counts as femdom.

However, there are cuckold relationships that may have Bi-cuck or Sissy Cuckold vibes which then these activities will not be something forced and in the contrary, it will be something that the cuckold enjoys so it won’t be considered as Femdom.

Femdom VS Cuckolding Argument

Cuckolding and Femdom often co-exist in male fantasies but they are two distinct fantasies. Wanting to experience one doesn’t necessarily mean you want to experience the other. I undertake this brief exploration of cuckolding vs Femdom in order to untangle these two fantasies and show how cuckolding can exist without the female taking on a dominant role.

Why does this even matter? Though most men are hesitant to admit it, cuckolding is a very popular male sexual kink.

Neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed one billion sex-related search terms for their 2012 book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts. They found that Cuckold-related searches rank #2 among most searched for sexual content on the internet.

At the same time, submission is a very popular female fantasy. Finding a woman that is into cuckolding is hard enough.

Finding a dominant woman that is into cuckolding makes the quest nearly impossible because these are two kinks that often less appealing to women, on average. This is the rub though. Cuckolding doesn’t have to involve femdom play.

Femdom & Cuckolding in Porn

Where do the blurring of cuckolding and femdom come from?

Pornography is a major culprit. In pornography (and in some erotic literature), the cuckold is commonly portrayed as weak, submissive, and powerless.

A typical porn video of “cuckolding” would have us believe a woman goes to her cuckold and says, “You are a pathetic excuse for a man, undesirable, and completely unsatisfying.

I’m going to fuck other men to get what I need and expect you to watch. I’m going to show you how much disdain I have for you by smacking you in the face with my Bull’s cock, make you suck his fat dick, lick his balls, and watch him fuck me. Then, you will eat his cum from my pussy.”

While some men (and women) do find this type of behavior and scenario very exciting, Femdom and Erotic Humiliation (also a separate kink) are the primary drivers of this fantasy.

Cuckolding is used as a vessel for delivering submission and humiliation. However, submission and humiliation aren’t the essence of cuckolding.

Porn’s portrayal of cuckolding leaves us with an impression of the cuckold as a pathetic man forced to endure high levels of humiliation and infidelity against his will. He is characterized, frankly, as an undesirable man unworthy of having a lover.

If we step back and think objectively about porn’s portrayal of cuckolding, we have to wonder what woman would really be interested in a man represented in the way “cuckolds” are often portrayed? Very few.

If women have this impression then there is little hope for men that do want to experience cuckolding. This is why educating women about the true nature of cuckolding is important.

Cuckolding in Amature Porn

In contrast to professional porn cuckold videos, amateur videos by real-life cuckold couples offer a distinctly different vibe. These videos are extremely light on female domination and erotic humiliation of the cuckold and more focused on the woman’s pleasure with another man.

We often see sexy, even loving interactions between the primary couple as the cuckold moves freely about the room capturing video and taking photos for the couple to enjoy together in the future.

The couple experiences intense emotional moments that extremely exciting to them as couples. For example, imagine a woman looking deep into her man’s eyes as another man sinks his big cock inside her for the first time.

Cuckolding Femdom vs Vixen and Stag Relationship

Common cuckold portrayals also misrepresent the real-life cuckold. Far from being pathetic, a man that can actually pull off cuckolding in real life is typically a driven, self-confident, successful, alpha-male type that adores his lover and she adores him.

I frequently read blogs by submissive women expressing their Dom’s desire to see her with another man. These women may even be unaware of the influence of cuckolding in their play because of how closely male submission is incorrectly associated with cuckolding.

I assure you, it takes a high level of self-assuredness to actually invite another man between your lover’s legs.

Also, it is the man that most often introduces the concept of cuckolding to his lover as part of their erotic exploration. The cuckold is often the visionary and director of the erotic scene playing out before him.

While being with another man is exciting and pleasurable for the woman, she also finds tremendous pleasure from seeing and knowing how turned on she is making her man.

The cuckold’s increased arousal comes back to her in the form of increased attentiveness and affection. I explore this circuitous flow of erotic energy in Sperm Wars: Seeding Passion’s Flame.

So, if porn isn’t representing the essence of cuckolding, they must be doing something right because what they are creating is very popular. What then are we seeing? I believe we are most frequently witnessing the layering of three kinks: Femdom, Erotic Humiliation, and Cuckolding.

Femdom is a dominant female and submissive male relationship. Just think about 50 Shades in reverse. If you are a woman with submissive fantasies, it shouldn’t be much of a stretch to see how a man could derive pleasure from a similar submissive fantasy.

In Femdom, the woman comes to us in several related forms: Mistress, Goddess, and Dominatrix are examples. The man is revealed as a sub, slave, boy, pet, or sissy (some of this includes humiliation play).

In Femdom, the man’s first order of sexual arousal is to worship his lover and/or be submissive. Erotic humiliation is a common erotic layer added to the Femdom fantasy and also to cuckolding.

Erotic humiliation, however, is not an essential element of Femdom or cuckolding—both can exist without it. I explore male chastity and restraint as an element of Femdom in Cock Cage: Achilles Last Stand. I provide many savory examples of erotic humiliation in American Gigolo – The Cuckold Contract.

This dominant-female, humiliation-based scenario is passed off, promoted, and commonly perceived as representing the essence of cuckolding. Based on its popularity, I believe a majority of men drawn to porn’s version of cuckolding are actually devotees of Femdom and erotic humiliation.

However, there are plenty of men that desire to experience cuckolding without any form of dominant female play or humiliation being present. Since cuckolding clearly exists without power play and erotic humiliation, male submission and humiliation aren’t essential elements of cuckolding.

This has been one of my most popular posts and seems to resonate with both men and women. The video is couple centered, captures the couple’s emotional connection, and shows how cuckold play is about the couple’s erotic journey.

In other words, it captures the essence of cuckolding. It also features the cuckold as a dominant, desirable man rather than submissive, weak, and powerless.

It demonstrates cuckolding can exist without male submission and even with male dominance. Through this inversion of power, it also shows that Femdom isn’t a necessary attribute of cuckolding.

Sources:

Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominatrix

Cuckold vs Femdom: https://dionysianexperience.com/2020/03/02/cuckold-vs-femdom/

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